And Now for a Series of Important (and Absolutely Not Fabricated) News Items:

By: James Brehm

Ever since President Donald Trump was elected, the business and the markets have reacted favorably with increased hiring, talk of accelerated investment, and significant stock market gains.  While one would normally expect good things when a Republican administration arrives in Washington, no one would expect the kind of activity we’ve seen over the past weekend.

Saturday saw several major announcements occurred in the IoT space, with significant partnerships and M&A from a handful of conglomerates leading the way.

Largest IoT Merger of All Time

First, in one of the largest acquisitions of all time, mega-conglomerate Stark Enterprises offered $85.4 trillion for the autonomous vehicle/flying car company Spacely Sprockets. In an effort to add connected car capabilities to an IoT portfolio that specializes in vertical solutions for government, defense, manufacturing, retail, hospitality and transportation, Stark Industries is now among the largestcompanies providing systems integration, robotics, connected vehicle, homeland security and advanced warfare solutions.

According to reports, the most desirable acquisition targets are companies whose core competencies revolve around analytics, security, connectivity platform capabilities and services, and this almost perfectly describes Stark Industries assets.

While regulation may be an issue, Stark, a defense near-monopoly badly wants to accelerate its metamorphosis to IoT enabler with one of its biggest deals ever has put together an army of roughly 100 lobbyists to support the deal, and has outspent the next 3 lobbying organizations nearly 2 to 1.

“As Larry the Cable Guy says, we need to git-r-dun,” said Stark COO Pepper Potts. “Spacely’s platform will power more than cars, it will also drive the next generation of Iron Man suits.”

“Spacely Sprockets IoT and vehicle solutions are built on Microsoft’s Azure cloud platform and help government agencies and enterprises integrate into their back office systems to easily track their products, capture data and improve profitability,” said Spacely controller George Jetson, who will serve as Stark CFO reporting to CEO Tony Stark after the merger.

The acquisition is subject to customary regulatory approval and is expected to be accretive in 4Q.

Wayne Enterprises selected by Slate for Gold Mining Operation

Slate Rock and Gravel company has selected Wayne Enterprises for heavy equipment tracking solutions which combine multi-network connectivity, ruggedized telematics devices and Wayne Enterprises’ leading edge platform and applications to support its mining and transportation fleets.

Barney Rubble, who was promoted this week to chief IoT officer of Slate by COO Fred Flintstone announced Saturday a $13 billion dollar investment in IoT and big data, after the company was selected to participate on the next season of Alaska Gold Mining.

“The IoT is removing mundane repetitive tasks or creating things that just weren’t possible before, enabling more people to do more rewarding tasks. And the promotion of my best friend Barney Rubble from Stegosaurus operator to our head of innovation and IoT is just the first step in our business transformation,” said Flintstone.

There was no comment from Wayne Enterprises’ CEO Bruce Wayne.

ACME PoP

Everyone seems to want In on the IoT, as small businesses everywhere are diversifying their offerings and launching services - including gateways, sensors, connectivity solutions, and data collection and analysis services. As the IoT promises to be one of the most lucrative markets in history and vendors are quickly realizing the opportunities they can reap from this space.

ACME Corporation, makers of Tornado seeds, giant magnets, dynamite, rocket-powered roller skates, anvils, and giant rubber bands has recently launched  AUPoP, the ACME Universal IoT Platform of Platforms.  

“One of the myths about the Internet of Things is that companies have too much data… but with the ACME Universal Platform of Platforms, companies will be able to capture all the data they need and a single platform to use that data,” said ACME CEO Wile E Coyote.  “And ACME UPoP will surely help us stop that pesky Roadrunner,”

 

Happy (Belated) April Fools Day!